Being stuck in the house for our third quarantine spurred me to spend some time reflecting. I realized how draining my work for the school has been over the past few months; doing the monotonous work of making hundreds of phone calls each week without the context of relationship with the school, staff, students, or families was difficult, even painful. It was painful to not feel like there was much meaning or purpose in what I was doing (though I could rationalize meaning, it was difficult to conjure up the feeling), and working virtually just felt joyless. I began to realize that it may not be sustainable for my well-being for me to continue this work for six more months. Then, Jenny announced that she would be not be continuing the program. Jenny's decision seemed to empower me to seriously consider making the same decision for myself. After a few days of discernment and prayer, I felt very strongly that it would be best for me to leave the program as well. I have felt a lot of peace about my decision, and I have sensed God's presence very clearly throughout this discernment process.
While I feel strongly that leaving the program is the best decision for me, I do not at all regret doing Mission Year. The past four months have been a period of growth and learning for me, and God has certainly shaped me through my experiences in Philadelphia.
I believe the most significant lesson I have learned through Mission Year is compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love towards myself, which directly translates into how I interact with others. I came here expecting to spend a lot of time serving others. As I realized the margin that I had in my days with working virtually, I began to spend a lot of time focused on my own healing and well-being. I developed rhythms of journaling, meditation, and yoga. I prioritized making time to run each day. I took longer showers sometimes, and often curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book in the evenings. Early in the program, I felt shame over how I was spending my time this way. I was here to focus on others, right? Now, after four months of working virtually, which has felt incredibly draining and disconnected, I realize that these forms of care and compassion were what sustained me. They also gave me a place from which to have compassion towards others. I was able to be patient and compassionate with all of the families and studies I talked to on the phone only because I was being compassionate with myself. This lesson seems ironic to me coming from Kensington. Kensington feels like the harshest place in which I have ever lived. I have never been so proximate to gun violence, homelessness, and drug addiction for an extended period of time as I was here. Yet God has taught me gentleness in a harsh place.
He has taught me not only to be gentle towards myself and others, but also to see gentleness and beauty in a place like Kensington, a place in which people often just see the brokenness and fail to see the beauty. I don’t think that Kensington is more broken than other neighborhoods, so to speak, just that the brokenness in Kensington is less hidden than elsewhere. I am not sure what all to take away from this aspect of my experience, but I believe that feeling the suffering of the world more acutely over the past few months will continue to shape me moving forward.
Another part of this experience that has been incredibly significant has been learning how to transition from my college experience into the rest of my life. I just came from a peak college experience, and quickly was hit with the question of “Now what?” How do all of the things I have learned and become passionate about intersect with my life in Mission Year and beyond? One thing I learned from asking this question of “Now what?” is the importance of finding ways to get what I need as best as I can. Studying Adventure Education has taught me that I need connection, and I sought to pursue that in Mission Year, both within my house community, and beyond through getting involved at church and Spanish mass and continuing to meet virtually with my college roommates each week. Studying Adventure Education showed me that I need to spend time outside in Creation to be well, and I pursued that through hiking on Sundays, getting involved with the Philadelphia Trail Club, and participating in Love Your Park cleanups. I have learned to have the courage to show up, to enter the awkwardness of social gatherings with people I don’t know in order to begin to form relationships, and to keep pursuing. Studying Adventure Education and then working virtually has taught me that I need passion and connection in my work in order for it to be sustaining.
My decision to leave the Mission Year program is rooted in these lessons that God has taught me over the past few months. It is out of care for myself and others that I believe that my decision is best. I am grateful for my Mission Year experience and the ways that God has shaped me and allowed me to serve others through it, and I look forward to what God may be teaching me next.
Please pray for me as I head to Harrisburg later this week for my next adventure. This spring, I will be interning with one of my college professors. Pray that this next chapter may be one of continued growth and ministry.
Please keep Tom, Deb, Lydia, and Wilkes in your prayers as they continue their Mission Year journey; please pray that they can continue to find ways to love and serve in Kensington and that they may continue to sense God's presence with them. Please also pray for Jenny as she discerns where God may be calling her next.
While I feel strongly that leaving the program is the best decision for me, I do not at all regret doing Mission Year. The past four months have been a period of growth and learning for me, and God has certainly shaped me through my experiences in Philadelphia.
I believe the most significant lesson I have learned through Mission Year is compassion, gentleness, kindness, and love towards myself, which directly translates into how I interact with others. I came here expecting to spend a lot of time serving others. As I realized the margin that I had in my days with working virtually, I began to spend a lot of time focused on my own healing and well-being. I developed rhythms of journaling, meditation, and yoga. I prioritized making time to run each day. I took longer showers sometimes, and often curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book in the evenings. Early in the program, I felt shame over how I was spending my time this way. I was here to focus on others, right? Now, after four months of working virtually, which has felt incredibly draining and disconnected, I realize that these forms of care and compassion were what sustained me. They also gave me a place from which to have compassion towards others. I was able to be patient and compassionate with all of the families and studies I talked to on the phone only because I was being compassionate with myself. This lesson seems ironic to me coming from Kensington. Kensington feels like the harshest place in which I have ever lived. I have never been so proximate to gun violence, homelessness, and drug addiction for an extended period of time as I was here. Yet God has taught me gentleness in a harsh place.
He has taught me not only to be gentle towards myself and others, but also to see gentleness and beauty in a place like Kensington, a place in which people often just see the brokenness and fail to see the beauty. I don’t think that Kensington is more broken than other neighborhoods, so to speak, just that the brokenness in Kensington is less hidden than elsewhere. I am not sure what all to take away from this aspect of my experience, but I believe that feeling the suffering of the world more acutely over the past few months will continue to shape me moving forward.
Another part of this experience that has been incredibly significant has been learning how to transition from my college experience into the rest of my life. I just came from a peak college experience, and quickly was hit with the question of “Now what?” How do all of the things I have learned and become passionate about intersect with my life in Mission Year and beyond? One thing I learned from asking this question of “Now what?” is the importance of finding ways to get what I need as best as I can. Studying Adventure Education has taught me that I need connection, and I sought to pursue that in Mission Year, both within my house community, and beyond through getting involved at church and Spanish mass and continuing to meet virtually with my college roommates each week. Studying Adventure Education showed me that I need to spend time outside in Creation to be well, and I pursued that through hiking on Sundays, getting involved with the Philadelphia Trail Club, and participating in Love Your Park cleanups. I have learned to have the courage to show up, to enter the awkwardness of social gatherings with people I don’t know in order to begin to form relationships, and to keep pursuing. Studying Adventure Education and then working virtually has taught me that I need passion and connection in my work in order for it to be sustaining.
My decision to leave the Mission Year program is rooted in these lessons that God has taught me over the past few months. It is out of care for myself and others that I believe that my decision is best. I am grateful for my Mission Year experience and the ways that God has shaped me and allowed me to serve others through it, and I look forward to what God may be teaching me next.
Please pray for me as I head to Harrisburg later this week for my next adventure. This spring, I will be interning with one of my college professors. Pray that this next chapter may be one of continued growth and ministry.
Please keep Tom, Deb, Lydia, and Wilkes in your prayers as they continue their Mission Year journey; please pray that they can continue to find ways to love and serve in Kensington and that they may continue to sense God's presence with them. Please also pray for Jenny as she discerns where God may be calling her next.
I hope to continue to post at least monthly, so stay tuned for updates about my next adventures.
A wintry run on the Schuylkill River Trail during the big snowfall
Comments
Blessings
Mr Zearley
Peace,
Emily